MEET CHELSEA K-K
MEET CHELSEA K-K
Growing up, I felt everything deeply. But I couldn’t name what I was feeling. And I most certainly couldn’t tell you why I was feeling it.
I grew up in a high-demand religion, the kind that asks for a lot of your time, your energy, and your money. And the kind that wants you to go along with everything it does.
Both sides of my family had been part of this religion for generations. And after 4+ generations of being in a religion, patterns start to set in. Only the light, easy feelings are allowed to be expressed. The heavy ones get bottled up and put away. That’s what I watched my family do, my extended family do, and most people in my community.
And, I learned to do it too.
I got really good at smiling on the outside while I stuffed down any heavy feeling on the inside. While it was easy to put on a smile for friends and strangers, at home, where I felt safe, “the Hulk” would come out.
This pattern repeated for YEARS. And, I grew into an adult who worked too much, measured myself against everyone else, and got close to people by bonding over how hard life was. I also had a habit of throwing myself into situations to prove I could do it when someone said I couldn’t. Spite is a great motivator (: Spite is also an exhausting motivator (:
The I turned 26. I had a falling out with two friends, and instead of riding through the waves of emotions, I found an all-consuming project where I could dissociate AND run myself into the ground (Hi, Pumpkin Nights!).
When I hit the wall — mentally and physically — I did what you’re supposed to do. I went looking for a tool that would "fix" me.
I ended up becoming certified in a technique called IPT (the Integrative Processing Technique at The Institute of Healing Arts in Lindon, Utah). IPT uses guided visualizations to help you rewrite traumatic experiences (Big T and little t trauma).
I threw myself into this work. I figured if I could understand why I was the way I was, I’d finally feel complete, settled, and whole. I’d finally feel the elusive “inner peace” every influencer, spiritual advisor, and community members talked about.
After each session, I felt a relief, but weeks later, I’d still feel terrible. And worse yet, sometimes I would feel even worse.
At the end of the year-long program, all of my classmates and teachers went to an outdoor ropes course. After holding hands in a big circle, trust falls, and a pep talk from the lead instructor, I found myself standing on top of a 30-foot Pamper Pole, about to do a leap of faith.
I was terrified because I’m scared of heights and stubborn enough to climb it anyway. Right before jumping, I had to shout out what I wanted most.
“I just want inner peace!”
Damn. Still?
After an entire year of trying to “fix” myself, I was screaming out for something that still felt out of my reach.
After becoming certified, I started leading more and more people through guided visualizations. The more I guided people through the sessions, the more my stomach dropped. Each client started growing dependent on me. Any time they were feeling “off,” they would look externally for answers. I was becoming their go-to person to call.
I started looking for more answers. Why were they doing this? And why was I doing this too?!
What I found was almost too simple to believe:
Your body already knows what you’re feeling. You don’t have to dig for it, or figure it out, or earn it. You just have to learn how to hear it.
The coolest part? You can learn how to hear your body through intuitive coloring.
The more I colored with myself and others, the more I understood why it works. Coloring gets you out of your busy, overthinking head. You start to notice what a feeling actually feels like in your body, and you begin to see the old stories you’ve been carrying around, the ones quietly running the show.
Best of all, coloring never told me what to feel. It gave me a way to hear myself. I was the one making the connections. I was the one becoming an expert on myself.
Coloring is always how I finally begin to understand my own brain.
For a long time, I felt something was off, but I didn’t have the words to explain what felt off. The more I colored, the more I could see my own patterns. The more I was able to find the language to explain to others what I was noticing, how I was feeling, and what I kept bumping up against.
My colorings helped me see that I needed to work with a professional to get support. When I sat down with my psychologist and put everything I was feeling into words, she got it fast. Our first conversation led to a series of tests, and eventually an ADHD diagnosis and discovering I was iron deficient. I had answers that led me to understanding myself on an entirely new level. One where I finally had the words, understanding, and skills to work with my brain and body.
I didn’t get to this place by trying harder. I got here because I started listening to myself and taking the time to find the language to explain my inner world to others. I was finally able to be an advocate for myself.
After 6 years and coloring with over 350 people of all ages, Color Mending grew into what it is today.
It’s a tool I built for myself first, that other people have begun using to understand and listen to themselves too.
Now, it’s your turn to find out if it’s a tool that can help you.
You don’t have to take my word for it, you can try it for yourself and see what happens.